http://web.me.com/iylia/dream-dock

It has been two months since I last updated. I have been busy lately. This is not a mere excuse this time. To friends and readers (whom I know personally or not), I thank all of you for reading my write-ups all this while. Those are my random thoughts about my life. If I happen to offend anybody throughout my blogging journey, I apologize. Just to inform you that I have moved to another blogging site. It is still under construction though as I havent managed to fix the url address. However, the temporary url is as of the above. See you there!!!~ With love and tonz of thanx, Iylia Hashim.

I still couldnt sleep tonight...better put the sleepless hours to good use...here I am reading all the latest news of Kris Allen and watching the American Idol Tour around the States itself...Kris Allen still leaves me with goosebumps post-competition...swooning me too much and left me in awe...his musicianship skill is outrageously extravagant and worth ultra acknowledgement...I am not saying this on the basis of a biased-die-hard-chick-fan of his but as a musician myself (yet to be pro though)...It is understood now that though it has been ruled out earlier that Lambert was way a better singer but Kris totally outcast him as a musician as a whole...he is a well-rounded American Idol / singer-songwriter...his fame might not be as vast a Lambert (he got more promotion and media ie: positive and negative news coverage - do your own maths) but Kris Allen is within the frame of talented artist on his own...I know I have come out with the same commentary before this but after watching him tonight, they just added some strength to the face value of his discovered talent, both as a singer and a musician...I envy people with natural talent coupled together with great destiny and package...this fruitful idol is awesome, uber-cool in my own definition...I cant wait and extremely looking forward to this Fall for his album...His version of Hey Jude of the Beattles and Bright Light left me more breathless...Kris Allen, Kris Allen, Kris Allen - keep up the good work man!!! May we meet in London...ha ha ha...although my heart is so keen into writing, performance studies could be a good idea afterall...(in the name of Kris Allen, of course - I'm funny)~

Life is not easy to begin with…eventhough my number of experience is not comparable to others who have gone through more than I do (my prayers are on all of you – be strong), I believe I surrender from thinking too much…if I were to go to the ground bottom of certain matter, I could go bonkers… I admit I am not an easy person to live with…I could be easily influenced by my feelings especially when it comes to personal matters…of course I do maintain my sanity when I am working and try my best not to intertwine both matters…I am grateful to the mercy of Allah S.W.T for keeping me grounded and knocking great senses onto my mind all the time…I am more grateful when He put me in this great state of a lifetime when He arranged my meeting with helpful and insightful person that I know today… I learnt a lot and all I hope for is that I have become a better person, of course within the scale of imperfection… I believe my upbringing and others are not the same. Hence, different people come with different understanding of certain principles and beliefs. I surrender to the part where every human being has flaws and that does not exclude me. However, how positive I am trying to be, to be able to accept and live with that fact of life, as a normal person, I am not free from being affected by certain matter, leaving me as a person who is full with angst. (My apology to all – for all the bitterness and hardship that I’ve caused at your expense) Since I am a lone-ranger who relies on friends most of the time, they have been burdened by my accumulated stories of some figures in my life that have put me in great state of psychological agony. As I ponder, I have become a different person and not a good one. When I choose to isolate myself during my undergraduate life, I thought I would be free from certain people as I only keep good friends close but that idea was fouled as circles of friends didn’t just stop there. Being manipulated and used left me again, as a more angry person. As I repetitively mentioned, I am glad I have great positive thoughts supplier who has kept me grounded and toned down my angst each time she told me stories and I learn from every single line of her quote. Therefore, I choose the easy one today – not to think and move on. To all my negative affluence, please stop and that is all I hope for. I am tired of being angry. I am done doing tango with you. I shall smile because I choose to live at ease. I shall accept you as you accepted me.~

More often than not, people tend to lose control of themselves be it in the momentum of leading life or keeping up with certain task of life...I am not spared from going through the same state of idleness in my life...of late, I reckon my life has been about thinking, weighing, accepting, rejecting, being accepted and at the same time rejected...I cant blame fate for going about that circle because I believe it is meant to be but what I couldnt digest and forgive myself is that, it affected my mind and heart thus affecting my productivity as a person and an employee...I realize as time passes and I become comfortable with my whereabout, I forgot to uphold the principle that I always hold in my mind and that is to keep my head in the game and always be at the top of it...I lose grip of fulfilling my task whole-heartedly as most of the time, it was all about going with the flow...I thought I was jaded but I was not, I just forgot my standing because I was comfortable...Alhamdulillah, I have great environment around me...regardless the fact that I have screwed up some part of myself - my performance and all (that I am not proud about), people are still forgiving and always open for amendment...my apology to all...I am certainly not proud of my behaviour and all I could offer are my apology and my promise to make things better by improving what is lacking...2 more months to go before I bid farewell and all that matters now, I am more than motivated to leave positive trail of my existence instead of the opposite...again, I am very sorry from the bottom of my heart...~